


Fading

by Bringmemisery, Fallen_bey



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Violence, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Healing, Implied Relationships, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26295751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bringmemisery/pseuds/Bringmemisery, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallen_bey/pseuds/Fallen_bey
Summary: Ever since joining the Empire, everyday has been the same. Kill. Fight. Kill. Fight.It's nothing Felix isn't already used to, but recently the bloodshed has felt more and more pointless. The war is no where near an end, and soon enough Felix knows what must be done. He will have to face those he once called "friends" on the battlefield. As that reality draws nearer, he starts to realize the severity of that statement. The severity of what is inevitably to come. Thinking he is in this alone Felix struggles to focus on what is reality and not. Perhaps all he needs is a guiding hand?
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Mercedes von Martritz, Ferdinand von Aegir/Dorothea Arnault, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Kudos: 12
Collections: 2020 Ultra Rarepair Big Bang





	Fading

**Author's Note:**

> This was something I made for #ultrararepairbigbang or https://twitter.com/ultrararepairb1 I hope you all like it my sister Bringmemisery did an art piece for it on her page go check it out and all the other authors and artists that partook in this event ^^. Enjoy~

The sound of a lifeless body hit the ground as the young swordsman lowered his weapon. It was done, no more enemies in sight.

"Good work, everyone. This will be a remarkable victory." The Imperial Emperor, Edelgard, said.

Felix looked toward the Emperor and back to the body he slayed, finally sheathing his blade. 

What a miserable soul. Stood no chance, yet fought with a purpose. A purpose to protect. Something that now-a-days is hard to even find.

Felix's turned his eyes to the left, seeing Hubert talking with the Professor more than likely about their next move. She looked concentrated on the paper that Hubert lent to her l, but not once did she appear lost. She fit into her new role and did not falter, no matter the circumstance. This distant dream was her chosen path. The Professor did not feel off, she felt like her usual self, but now with an even greater purpose. That was something Felix could still not find. He had played their previous conversation on repeat in his mind. How she fought to survive in this world was a reasonable answer, but would he ever find an answer to her question? Was he even doing the right thing? 

The boar was hard to deal with and being away from him did have it's benefits, but to go against him and his previous classmate felt...odd. Felix chose his path and yet the only thing that seemed to hold him together was seeing the Professor's confidence. He had followed her, just like the many others who joined the Empire. Yet still, even watching her, he could not find his reason for fighting. He had nothing against Edelgard or Hubert, but they seemed so fixed on this idea of a perfect world it was hard to feel the same. In a way, it felt like he was just taking up the Professor’s previous perspective of just surviving and moving forward. 

Could he reach this new phase that she now embodied? Then again, how could he? Destruction and pain was all that followed this path. At least that was his opinion on this war. He couldn’t help but feel like their superiors are hiding something. It always felt too easy going through these battles and not having to worry about the next course of action. The Emperor and her right hand did listen to advice, yes, but it was almost like they were in their own world. Just them and the Professor. Able to plan every move and take more steps closer to their goal. He did wonder at times if anyone else noticed this. 

Felix closed his eyes taking a deep breath in as he decided to veer from his thoughts. 

To shut the mind made it easier to obey orders, but to let the mind wander caused the world to become a dangerous place.

Felix followed the others as they made their way back to their base, leaving behind the dead without any sympathy. He stared straight ahead, looking at that light green hair that walked beside the Emperor.

How does she do it? How does one not doubt the path they chose? There was no reason to miss his father nor the boar, but it felt wrong not to. It was like pretending they don’t exist at all, which is easier to think of than shape it to be his reality. Walking this path felt like walking on a thousand blades. What about Sylvain? They would cross paths soon enough. Could he really bring himself to remove his friend? A part of his mind said he could do it, but another part of him said he would regret that choice.

Felix’s hand made its way into his black hair as he tried to block out the image of seeing Sylvain’s lifeless corpse standing before him. Felix’s own blade dripped crimson liquid as he would stare at the mess he made. He could even imagine that his own eyes would not be filled with water, but the blood of his dear friend. The one he would have to slay if it came down to it.

And what about Ingrid? What would she think of his choices? She would be disappointed and hurt, but he did not doubt if she wouldn’t hesitate to remove him. Would she understand his path? Maybe, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to see that look in her eye that would show him how hurt he had made her. It would be easier to avoid the both of them in general. Maybe even get the Professor to fight them so he could avoid those piercing gazes. Why couldn't things go back to the way they used to be without a war? It was simpler that way where everyone was classmates. Where everyone for the most part got along and only worried over small foolish things. A time where no one had to lose their life.

The sound of footsteps broke away Felix’s thoughts as he turned his eyes to gaze at a familiar blond who now joined his side. It was his former classmate. She did not look at Felix, but stared straight ahead with a smile that grazed her mouth. 

Mercedes. She too was stuck in this damn war. Was she happy with her choice? She had also made her choice to join this path. She had chosen this before Felix had considered it himself. Mercedes is here too; she had seen the same battles he had and both of them still remained. Felix wondered if she had her own opinions with this war. Was she glad she made this choice?

Felix stared at her and blinked realizing that Mercedes was the only one who had remained with him. The kind hearted girl that always was looking after him. The one he had tried to avoid during his time on this path. He had not talked to her as much as he should have and he would not doubt if that bothered her. Felix wondered if anyone else had noticed what he had been doing.

She turned her face staring into his eyes as he stared back into hers. Her soft eyes felt as if they were studying him to see what he would do next. Somehow the idea of her trying to read him left an odd taste in his mouth. She must have picked up on something and maybe she was just waiting for him to break. He didn’t want to talk about this, at least not in front of her. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Mercedes, he just did not want everyone else to know what he felt. He didn’t want anyone to know he had doubts. Perhaps he should catch up with the Professor and avoid any questions?

"You know,” Mercedes said. “No matter how many times we go to battle, I still have not grown accustomed to it." 

Felix broke away from her gaze to stare at her hands that were clasped together as they walked. Her hands appeared to be blocked and unmoving in perhaps a more tense position. 

She decided to jump right into this already? How is she not uncomfortable? Then again, why would she go to him for help?

"Are you referring to the enemies we have to remove?" Felix said, looking back to her.

"In a way, yes. I do my best to help everyone, but I can't shake this feeling that perhaps what I'm doing is more harm than good. It hurts to see how many have been returned to the goddess’s arms.”

“Why do you feel bad for those who lost their lives?”

“In a way, I think of how they must feel,” Mercedes said looking to the ground. “Whether they are on our side or theirs. I think of how they are all so brave to put everything on the line for what they feel is right or what they believe in. But when they are gone, they can’t even get a proper burial, and some may even be forgotten. I know that death is unavoidable, but that doesn’t change how wrong it feels.” 

“Mercedes, they are dead," Felix said, looking away from her. "They're gone and they won’t come back. I don’t think they would care about their bodies anyways. They won't be needing a body where they are going."

Felix didn’t quite understand why Mercedes would worry for a person’s final resting place. This was war, meaning it was hard to find the time to pay respect for any who departed. All that anyone could do is hope they don’t end up being one of those forgotten souls. He agreed it wasn’t right leaving the dead, but that was the way of war. That would probably never change.

“I suppose you are right,” Mercedes said with a sigh. “Returning to the goddess, they might forget about their bodies completely if they have no need for them. Although it is not that I feel sorry for them, it is more that I feel guilt. Or at least something similar to that.” 

“Guilt?” Felix said, turning his head to look at her once again. He studied her form from beside him seeing that gleam in her eyes dim. She looked exhausted.

Was she okay? Perhaps keeping an eye on her would be a good idea. No one could afford her passing out on them.

“Yes,” Mercedes said with a frown. “It’s something I can’t seem to get past on my own.” 

Felix was about to reply when he noticed something from the corner of his eye. He looked over to the shadow ahead of him to find the Death Knight looking back at them. Both Mercedes and Felix stopped walking as the Death Knight proceeded towards them. His face was unreadable, which unsettled Felix daily. What did he want? 

Felix snuck a glance at Mercedes noticing that she was staring right at the Death Knight also with an expression Felix couldn't quite place. Perhaps he really should speak with her later. Something had to be on her mind. Hopefully, she would just tell him herself. He wasn't one to pry, after all.

Felix never understood the Death Knight and although he was aware that the man was related to Mercedes, Felix had doubts. They did look alike and yes, they were siblings, but the Death Knight was so cruel and Mercedes was not. Yes, siblings can differ from each other, he knew that, but he found it hard to grasp that Mercedes was related to a blood seeking beast. When they were young, she mentioned how Felix was similar to her brother and perhaps he was. All those lives he took just for a dream that seemed to be tainted by corruption. He wondered if perhaps the Death Knight shared similarities like that to him.

“Mercedes.” The Death Knight said, looking to his sister.

“Emil, is everything alright?” Mercedes said with a hint of confusion in her voice.

“I would like...to eat.” The Death Knight said to her.

“Oh, of course,” Mercedes said with a small smile. “We could go eat together in my room if you would like?”

The Death Knight nodded before turning to focus onto Felix. His fixed gaze seemed to hold a darker aura than usual. A threatening one.

“Get close,” Emil started, hardening his gaze. “And I will kill you.”

“Emil, you mustn't be like that.” Mercedes said with a gasp.

Felix said nothing, but hardened his own gaze at the man. 

All he ever does is threaten others, yet follows no action behind those empty words of his. Felix was surprised how Mercedes was able to put up with his behavior. Felix wasn’t quite sure if he could ever put up with behavior like that himself.

The Death Knight turned away from Felix to walk ahead. Felix noticed Mercedes reach her hand out for him, but she seemed to hesitate. Felix watched her as her eyes slowly met his own.

“How do you put up with that?” Felix asked with his eyebrow raised, “I understand that he is your brother, but you don’t need to listen to everything he demands of you.” 

Mercedes looked towards her brother then, with a frown forming on her lips, turned back to Felix.

“Emil just needs some time.” Mercedes said. “He may seem difficult, but deep down I know a part of him is still the boy I once knew. Even if it seems impossible to bring that side of him back, I will continue to try.” 

“I see.” Felix said with a frown of his own.

“I need to make sure he will be alright,” Mercedes said, taking a step forward, looking back at Felix. “I’ll find you later, Felix. Don’t disappear, alright?”

She said the last part with a warm smile as she walked ahead into the monastery grounds to catch up with her brother.

Find him later? She had intentions to find him and speak with him again? Despite how many times he pushed her away? Why bother seeking him out? She said not to disappear, what did she mean by that?

Felix readjusted his gloves as he made his way to the training grounds. He had seen a few people pass him by, but he didn’t see who they were nor did he really care. 

His intention was to train until he felt that he had gotten rid of his own thoughts. Felix was aware that some people didn’t quite understand why he always trained, but that was alright with him. Training made him feel more comfortable and kept him busy. He had to keep training and get better with his sword. He had to be better. He had to find a way to answer the professor. He had to find a way to prove he knew what he was doing.

Felix approached the double doors and opened them. Inside he noticed Ferdinand polishing the weapons and Dorothea who was sitting near him.

He wouldn’t be alone, but he didn’t mind these two. They hardly ever bothered him. Dorothea could speak to him if she wanted to, but he had gotten used to her presence somewhat. 

Felix went to the farthest side of the grounds, though. hoping to avoid small talk. 

After talking with Mercedes, he did not want someone else to make plans to speak with him later. These two could pry and that was not something that was ideal. 

Felix picked up a spare blunt sword and stared at one of the practice dummies. He readied himself slightly, tightening the grip on his sword, and sprung at it. Felix’s hits were fast and strong as he repeatedly used his sword to slash at the tall straw-made figure. The thick musk of straw filled his nostrils every time particles spilled from it. The coarse material often grazed his cheek with each new blow. He turned all of his attention to the dummy, focusing only on the sounds of each hit. He imagined being on the battlefield, tearing through yet another enemy over and over again. 

More enemies, more blood, just like before. Always that way.

Felix quickly stabbed forward intending on landing that final blow, but within a second the prop had shifted from its original state to that familiar tone of red hair and that smiling face that started to call out his name. 

Felix froze as he stared into the Sylvain’s eyes before they disappeared, replaced with the torn apart heap with a blade suspended inches from its chest. Felix readjusted his fingers on his sword, hoping to destroy the prop, but that smile halted any further action. Even without his eyes, Felix could still hear that voice. The voice that would joke about anything and tease Felix every second they got. 

He couldn’t do it.

Frustrated, Felix got out of his stance and threw his sword to the ground. The loud clunk filled the training grounds.

When did it get so quiet? Then again did it matter really? He couldn't do it, he couldn’t remove his best friend. Even if he wanted to, for once, Felix could not end another person’s life. Perhaps this could be considered a good change, but to Felix it felt wrong.

He felt as though a part of him burned maybe even ached. Though Sylvain's life was not in danger, the flip in Felix’s stomach stated otherwise. The sound of footsteps approaching caused him to tear his eyes from the prop to meet those fern colored eyes that looked into his own eyes. 

This is what he had wished to avoid.

“Felix? “Dorothea said, coming to a halt followed closely behind Ferdinand. “Is everything alright?”

“It is not like you to disregard your weapon,” Ferdinand said looking at the sword, then back to Felix. “I must ask as well. Are you well? Should we accompany you to a healer?” 

Felix stared at Dorothea for a moment taking in how one hand laid at her side and the other with a fist closed against her stomach. Then to Ferdinand who had one hand on his hip and the other brushing his hair away from his face. 

They did seem worried, and Felix felt a slight wave of relief. How easy it can be for those to fake empathy, but their demeanor served as a reminder that that was not always the case. Even in war, there were still those who cared. Those who grieved. 

“I’m fine,” Felix said, looking back to the sword once again. “The blade didn’t feel right in my hands, that is all.”

Looking back up he noticed that the two exchanged a quick glance before their gazes set back onto his. Their eyes felt as if they were studying him, waiting for him to mess up. Waiting for any opportunity to find his weak point and then press on matters that do not involve them. He hated looks like theirs. 

Perhaps it was not empathy in their eyes. Was it pity? That was unclear, but the feeling of being watched let that pit grow in his stomach once again. He shouldn’t have come to the training grounds.

“Felix, please,” Dorothea said, taking one step closer to him, “I know that you won’t admit to it fully, but something feels wrong. It’s alright. You can trust us if you need help with anything.”

Trust them? How could he trust them? They were under the Emperor’s counsel, and in fact, they were closer to the Emperor herself. He couldn’t bring himself to trust them, for if he did, perhaps they would give away his thoughts and everyone would know. All would know that he would not kill his past classmate. More directly, he would not remove his old friends. That even included the Boar. What a mess he got himself into.

Felix stared at her, feeling his lips curve down as he slowly shook his head. Dorothea’s shoulders dropped as she let out a sigh then turned to Ferdinand who stared at Felix with a frown and his eyebrows furrowed.

“We cannot leave you in this sort of condition.” Ferdinand said, waving his hand. “I insist you come with us so we can give you the proper care you need.”

Felix stared at him for a moment then blinked. Ferdinand’s mouth was in a tight line and his eyes did not dim. 

He was being serious, Felix could tell. They really thought something was wrong with him. Felix was fine; he didn’t need to go anywhere. He just wanted to be left alone, but he doubted if that was possible with these two.

Reluctantly he sighed and said, “If I go with you both, will you leave me alone?”

“Of course, Felix.” Dorothea said nodding. “We only wish to check on you. After that, you can do whatever you want, but, Felix. If you really are experiencing something awful, please let us know. We care for you, even if you can’t see it. We really do.” 

Was she really telling the truth? Dorothea did often check on many people’s well being, so she might not be lying to him. Ferdinand didn’t really seem like the type to pretend, but a part of Felix still couldn’t fully trust him. Even Dorothea to a point.

Felix did not answer, but followed the two out of the training grounds. They were talking about something, but Felix no longer heard their words. He stared at them both as they walked besides him. He studied their movements and watched their expressions with a frown.

Why couldn’t this turning feeling go away in his stomach? Felix didn’t enjoy feeling like he had to watch his back around them. He shouldn’t have to feel that, but he couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t trust anyone that blindly followed their leader like that.

“Felix?” A voice said breaking him from his thoughts.

He turned his head to the side noticing that once again he had run into Mercedes. Her eyes went between him and the other two she was more than likely confused. The Death Knight was still with her but he didn’t seem to care for them.

“Is everything alright?” Mercedes continued.

“Yes. I’m just being escorted by these two, but I’m fine.” Felix said gesturing to the two besides him.

“Escorted? To where?” Mercedes said looking at the other two.

“We were simply taking Felix on a walk to visit the infirmary.” Dorothea said as she clasped her hands together.

So they were taking him to the infirmary? More than likely to go see Linhardt perhaps? Was he really showing noticeable signs that they think he would need a healer?

“Infirmary?” Mercedes said raising her hand to her chest, “He doesn’t look injured, though. Maybe he just needs some rest?”

Ferdinand shook his head and said “He is not injured, but we were hoping that the infirmary would have something to ease his mind. Or maybe even check to see perhaps if he is getting ill.”

Felix stared at Ferdinand then looked away, finding his eyes landing on Dorothea who took a glance at him. Her face looked disoriented as if he couldn’t quite see who she was. Felix blinked and her fern eyes completely faded from his vision everything became hard to see, even the surrounding lost their appearances. Moments after he had heard something muffled before he had felt himself slip backwards.

When did he even take a step back? 

Blinking rapidly, he found himself leaning against something. Ahead of him, he found a pair of cornflower blue eyes and another pair of fern besides them. 

He felt himself being pushed back up and supported with an arm. Felix turned slightly seeing that vibrant head of orange hair beside him. Clearly, Ferdinand must have been supporting him. Felix would have to find time to thank him later after the throbbing in his head ceased.

“Felix,” Dorothea said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You should have told us you were ill. Are you alright?” 

“I would advise you not to hide if you do not feel well.” Ferdinand said, shaking his head. “It has been a long day, my friend. Please, you must get some rest.”

Felix would normally oppose this but perhaps resting would ease this headache.

“Perhaps I should escort you to your room?” Mercedes said looking over his figure.

“We all should make sure he can make it back to his room, at least.” Dorothea said to Ferdinand with a nod. 

“I agree, let us go so he can get off his feet for a while.” Ferdinand said as Felix felt himself being led away to his room.

At this point, Felix found it hard to focus, so he closed his eyes and just listened to the sound of their voices. How odd it felt to just be assisted around by the three of them. Even now, he couldn’t find an excuse why they would do this. From their actions now, he cannot deny they all at least cared a little. Felix just wished this dizzy wave would end soon. 

By the time Felix opened his eyes, he had noticed they were in the hallway heading towards his room. He veered his gaze to the left, still seeing that Ferdinand assisting him. Then to the right, his eyes landed on the other two girls.

It eased Felix’s mind to know that they were indeed just taking him to his room. At least they weren’t trying to remove him.

They stopped at the wooden door as Dorothea opened it, and the group filled inside. He watched as Mercedes moved around his sheets and pillows before he was slowly lowered onto the bed. He felt Ferdinand’s arm leave him as he watched Dorothea look through things on his desk. 

Felix wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but for now he did not mind. He had trusted them this long so there was no point to change that now.

With a sigh, Dorothea turned back around to face the other two saying “We’re out of luck. He doesn’t seem to have any herbs or even a vulnerary in here. He probably used his last one during the last battle..”

“No vulnerary?” Ferdinand said with his hand in his hair. “Then we must get him one immediately. Felix, you must be stocked up for any occasion. It is wise to play it safe, than be unprepared.”

“It is alright, Ferdinand,” Mercedes said with a soft smile. “I am a healer, after all. I can take care of him from here.”

The other two looked at each other then turned back to her seeming reluctant to leave.

Dorothea extended out her hand and said, “You sure that you can take care of him on your own? We can get Linhardt if you need him?”

“I'm certain I will be fine.” Mercedes said shaking her head slightly, “You both already helped Felix from the start, so just leave it to me and he’ll be back to his feet in no time.”

Felix felt his eyelids grow heavy so he closed them once again, hearing their muffled talking, and then the sound of something clicking. He tried to open his eyes, but that seemed a bit too difficult, so he focused on the humming beside him.

It was very calming even if she wasn't saying any words. He didn't feel alone for once.

The humming had moved away from him as he heard the creak of his door and it click once again. He could feel Mercedes besides him and felt a cold fabric against his head.

What was she doing? Was she really going to care for him the whole time?

Felix forced one of his eyes open, taking a peek at her. She was already smiling at him with that gentle warmth around her as she rubbed his forehead with the cold cloth. With both eyes now slightly opened, he watched her, noticing her mouth was moving.

Felix found he could not hear her words, but he didn't mind. Her warmth was nice.

He watched her lips for a moment longer before she returned the cloth back to the bucket beside her. She held her hand above him as he watched her healing magic fall onto him.

Felix didn't even notice he was injured, but seeing how her magic flowed meant he had some sort of problem. Should he be concerned he didn't even feel off before?

Focusing on her humming and feeling relief fill his body, he sighed and closed his eyes. Letting his vision fade to black.

✾✾✾

Felix opened his eyes and blinked, refocusing on the room he was in. He was still in his room. Slowly sitting up, he looked around for anyone else. His eyes landed on the bottom of his bed noticing a simple pink tulip beside his feet. He grabbed it and stroked one of it's petals, taking in how it felt in his fingers. It's flower stem was cool and the petals soft and delicate. His eyes tore away from the flower to his desk, suddenly realizing the scent of tomato and bread swirling in the air. It still looked warm.

Mercedes she did so much for him. He hadn't even gotten the chance to thank her.

Felix pulled off his sheets and looked for his boots that had been removed from his feet. His eyes looked to his desk, noticing the pair resting beside his chair. Getting up, he pushed out the chair and slipped on his boots. Readjusting them, his eyes shifted to his swords that were resting against the wall. He grabbed them, one at a time, and put them back in their sheaths. Felix immediately got up and headed out the door of his room, passing the rest of the doors along the way. Once outside, he was greeted by the chill air that combed through his hair. He looked to his left and did not see Mercedes, but he chanced it and went to her door. Knocking on the door he waited for any kind of sound. 

Nothing. Mercedes wasn’t in her room.

Felix turned back around and made his way around the grounds hoping to find her. He passed by the other rooms around the area and headed up stairs still looking for her. Since it was the night, he no longer worried about running into anyone. 

Mercedes could be anywhere, but no matter what, he had to at least thank her for helping his poor judgement. He should have noticed he was not well, and seemingly injured no less. He was a fool for disregarding his health like that. He could have ended up like Glenn for all he knew he had to be more careful.

Felix walked around for what felt like hours before he finally stumbled upon the girl he was looking for. She stood there in the moonlight staring up at the stars silently with her mouth slightly opened. Her daffodil short hair seemed to shine more under the sky and her cornflower blue eyes seemed to stare past the midnight blue sky. 

Felix wasn’t sure what she was staring at but he figured he should wait a moment. Perhaps she was in prayer? Felix never really studied how she prayed so just waiting would probably be best. Although Felix did wonder why it had taken this long for him to even see her let alone recognize that she probably had felt the same thing he did.

Her eyes eventually drifted to his own as she turned to him with her eyes wide. Her eyes softened and that gentle smile once again laid on her lips upon looking at him.

Felix stared at her suddenly, finding his feet moving towards her. She did not move nor did he know what he was about to do, but his arms had somehow ended up wrapping around her. 

He felt that this was the right thing to do for once. Her warmth felt right and for once he didn’t feel as distant.

Felix found himself burying his face in the back of her neck as he felt her hand gently hold onto his arm and lean into him. He let out a sigh as he let himself stay like that for a moment calmed by her presence.

Felix didn’t know how much he really missed human touch until now. Those illusions or whatever they were called he could no longer hear. For now he felt grounded. 

“I won’t let you fade, Felix.” Mercedes said in a soft voice.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope this story was something you all enjoyed. Personally I am one who really likes to focus on relationships that aren't necessarily involving kissing but thats just how I like to do things. I might add one more chapter to have even more Mercedes and Felix I would even say to make it more fluff but we will see. Hope you all enjoy~


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